Threw Me for a Loop...

So, haven't really mentioned much about how first dates have been going...

I much more enjoy living life, I guess, than writing about it, so I seem to leave out from my blog all the good parts.

I finally got a reality check last night! Not that 30 is old by any means, but not much surprises me in the arena of dating. I have seen it all, either through personal experience or through a friend's experience. But, I have been seeing someone recently, let's call him J. We've only been out a few times and we currently live 2 hours away although he plans to move to C-bus in the next few months. My approach to relationships: slow as molasses! My thought has always been that too many people complain about taking too little time, but how many times do you hear of people complaining about taking too much time? I certainly haven't!

I've been keeping all guys that I meet at arms length so that I won't get hurt. The few times that I have let the relationship move at a quick pace, I've always gotten hurt. I've heard every excuse in the book..."I'm not over an ex", "It's not you, it's me", etc. I've let boys invade my heart that were probably not worthy but who said all the right things. Essentially, I got burned...

So, I became selfish in my dating habits. If I don't let them too close, I can't get hurt. But, I forgot to consider that they have feelings too and are putting their hearts on the line. Guys just don't reveal the emotions. During breakups, I swore that my heart would break and was devastated to think that my former guy's heart stayed in tact. Even when they are telling me that they miss me every day and it hurts, I just didn't believe them.

I think that J is really feeling my emotional distance. He had pulled back on texting which to me signaled, "he's just not that into me"! I started to distance myself even more in preparation for total loss of communication. So imagine my surprise when I heard from him last night. And imagine my shock when I figured out that he's distancing himself from me, not because "he's just not that into me" but because he's afraid of liking me and then getting his heart broken...

So, in my panic to protect myself, I forgot to think about the other person involved. I forgot about real human emotions and focused on how to guard myself. Do I think that I'll let him get too close, too soon...absolutely not. I'm still a smart chick and he needs to respect that. But, I will be more mindful that I'm not just risking my heart, but I'm risking another human being's emotions. Wow, how did I make it to 30 without thinking through this? Kind of throws you for a loop...